Love The Life You Have Been Given

I have been MIA from this blog for awhile. I would like to say a lot has been going on since I last posted, but really I have just been training and working. It seems like a boring life.

Last night when I was running after work two things hit me. First this isn't the life I had imagined living. This realization hit me hard, I didn't think I would be doing what I am doing, working where I am working and I didn't think I would be single right now. I think this realization has helped me understand when I have been so stressed out right now. I am conflicted with wanting the life I had imagined two years ago, and the life I am playing out everyday.

Two years ago I was getting ready to graduate Hanover, I had a long term boyfriend, I had finished my comprehensive exams, and my IS was pretty much completed. I was living life and truly enjoying it. In my mind, I thought I would get married to my boyfriend, and we would be starting our lives together. This did not happen, and if I would have seen all the red flag before, I would have realized this was not going to happen.

I am thankful that I was able to see the dysfunction of our relationship and move on with my life. I have learned so much about my character in the past two years that I don't think would have been possible with him. I would have stayed in the comfortable place for the rest of my life.

The second thing I realized when I was running last night was that I need to start enjoying the life that I am living right now. This is not to say that I don't enjoy life currently, but I am always planning for the next step, and not enjoying the moment. For example, a few weeks ago I was doing a brick workout (bike, then run). I just completed a one hour bike ride, and was getting ready for a 30 minute run. I ingested some honey, chased it with cool water, and headed out for my 30 minute run. I was 10 minutes into my run when I started to feel guilty for running. There was so many things on my to-do list, that I was wasting my time running. I was planning ahead for the rest of my evening that I didn't enjoy the run.

It is hard to enjoy everything that is going on with my life right now because I am also waiting on everything to fall into place. Over the past few months I have been applying to Occupational Therapy Schools. I can not take the next step until I know (1) if I have gotten into school and (2) where I will be going to school. It seems like everything is on hold. I have been checking my email multiple times a day wanting to see an email from any school. My life has become off balance because my moves seem to depend on the reply from schools. I never knew it would be this hard to wait.

Recently I have been getting up a little earlier than I need to so I can enjoy the quite time before my day. It has been helping me become more focused on myself, and peaceful. In college, I would sleep until the last possible second. I would allow myself enough time to put on clothes and walk to class while eating my breakfast. Now I have started to enjoy watching the sun rise, while taking care of myself.

Where I'm At

So as I was writing up my training program for the week, I realized a few things. I have been working extremely hard at training for this half ironman. I can't believe how much I have pushed myself, and how dedicated I am to this. Although it has been very grueling, I want to work at this.

I set this goal, of completing a Half Ironman (key word, completing) back in September. I didn't know it would be so much work, or take such a big time commitment on my part, but I set this goal. September of last year, I had just finished my second sprint triathlon, and finished first in my age group. I was flying high, and thought that I could achieve anything.

I guess I should reveal something extremely personal. I am afraid of failure. Now, this might not seem like that big of a fear, but this is what motivates me, sometimes too motivating for me. The fear of failure, has been magnified by doing this training. I have always used this fear of failure to motivate me in school, and in life. I do not want to disappoint anyone for my failures. So in turn I would push myself to keep working harder, nothing was and is ever good enough. Now you might be thinking, "Oh Kristen, you are wonderful and a hard worker, don't put yourself down!" This isn't the case, it is just a realize I came to during my training. As painful as it is to see that I have put so much pressure on myself to "succeed", whatever that means, I have a least recognized it. I am willing to recognize this fear of failure, and everything that goes along with it, in order to relax a little and enjoy life more.

So here is another week of intense training.

Recovery Week

So I have made it through 4 weeks (well almost 4 weeks) of triathlon training. It has been a rough and rocky 4 weeks. I had a few minutes before I have to head into work, and wanted to just comment about the journey this has been already.

I'm sure you could tell by my last post that I was getting tired of working out. Working out had become a chore for me, and I didn't enjoy it. That is never a good thing, well at least for me.

This week something in my attitude changed. My workouts don't seem like a chore, they are at least fun. This might have something to do with the fact that the amount of exercise required for this week is reduced. I was able to get 60 minutes of biking and running in yesterday on my break, and it felt so good. I am usually able to get 45 minutes, 50 tops. However, I was able to start my workout earlier than normal. I spent 20 minutes on the bike. Hopped off, ran for 20 minutes, and then got back on the bike to round out my hour. While on the bike the second time around, I was envisioning what the Half Ironman would be like...

Imagining coming out of the water, and entering Transition 1 with a smile on my face.
Ripping part of my wet suit off on the run towards my transition area.
Standing on my towel while I finish peeling my wet suit off.
Fastening my helmet securely on my head.
Wiping my feet off enough to put my above the ankle socks on,
latching my race belt, so my number is behind me.
Lifting my bike off the rack, and running towards the end of the transition area.
Feeling myself clip my bike shoes into the pedals,
the sun is shining warmly on my back as I feel strong entering the bike course.
I can do this!

I read an article about believing in the goals, or resolutions you have set for yourself. Taking a small part of your day to envision yourself feeling strong on race day. This small part of your day can be before you get out of bed in the morning, right before you fall asleep at night, taking a shower after you are finished with a workout, or while you are preparing for your race in your day to day exercises. I challenge you to try this, even if you are not training for a triathlon. Envision yourself delivering a speech, or turning in the final draft of your book you have been working on. Try it, it is such an empowering and uplifting practice that makes you feel like you can go out and conquer the world.

Have a healthy Friday!

So Long

It has been forever since I have blogged. I have been very overwhelmed with my training. It got to a point where I had a minor break down on Monday night. I drove home with tears in my eyes because I felt like my training was preventing me from hanging out with my friends or even talking to them on the phone. I also got to a point where I felt I had so many rules surrounding this training, that I tried to break all of them, namely eating healthy. Consequently my training suffered because I ate a bunch of crap and didn't feel strong working out Sunday.

So I am back in the game, still feeling bruised from the break down on Monday, but I am confident I can do this. Yes, my training takes a lot of time out of my day, but I can do it. At least my training program is nice in the sense I can play around with what I do from day to do. I am still exercising 6 times a week, but if I want to bike instead of swim and run today I can do that.

This weekend I will be traveling to Louisville, KY to see my friends and celebrate my roommate's (from college) birthday. I am really excited to see everyone. I just need to figure out when I am going to do my 2 hour cycle that day. I think I am going to split it up and do 1.5 hours before work, and 30 minutes on my break.

I hope to post more frequently because I have taken a part in the blog writing at work. Although my writing skills are not the greatest, I do want to continue to work on them. What better way to do it! Speaking of work, I should start to head that way.

Have a healthy day everyone!

Thankful and Blessed

This past weekend, I was in Hanover, IN. See I went to school at Hanover College for my undergrad from 2004-2008. These four years were the best four years for a few reasons. I learned more about myself, I learned about my limitations, and my desire to be challenged, and I developed a lasting friendship with wonderful people.

Meredith, Lauren, Rachel, and I all email to our work accounts during the day. It makes the work day go a little faster, and gives me something to look forward to. I am unable to check my email at work frequently, and when I do, I instantly smile. Although I will say it is a little overwhelming to see 20+ emails in your inbox.

Back in November, we were all missing each other, and decided via email that we would head back to campus to reunite. The coordination and planning begun. Now normally, we don't plan, but we had to make some plans for this trip to work. I called around to find out the room rates for hotels in the area. Luckily, the Campus Center's hotel rooms were the cheapest. We were not only able to head back to the school where our friendships formed, but we were able to stay in the Campus Center hotel room. Cheesy, I know.

So this weekend we accomplished so much in such a little amount of time. The funny this is, however, the stuff we did revolved around eating. We were able to visit Thomas Family Winery, The Red Pepper, Johnnie Reb's (twice), Shipley's, Tiffany's mural, Horst's Bakery Haus, and The Horner Center.

I think the best thing that came from this weekend, was realizing how blessed I truly am. I was writing this blog entry on my way home from Rachel's house in my head. I was thinking about how wonderful my friends are. I am so thankful to have them in my life. They were not only such a big part of the transformation that took place personally while at Hanover, they were and are such a strong support system. I love them, and would do anything for them. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. Not everyone has a good of friends as I do.

So to all my friends out there, who were able to come to Hanover, and who were there in spirit, I love you, and thank you for teaching me, and helping me grow.

And so it Begins...

So Sarah and I finally decided which half ironman we are going to do. We decided to do the White Lake, NC Half Ironman on May 8, 2010. The swim will be warm, in a clear lake, with a depth of 9 feet, and sandy bottoms. The run and bike are on a relatively flat shady course. Here is the link, check it out and feel free to join me if you so choose.

http://www.setupevents.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=event_detail&eventID=1400

From Monday, I will have 16 weeks to prepare. My training program that I am using is from Matt Fitzgerald, Triathlete Magazine: Essential Week-By-Week Training Guide. There are 10 levels to choose from. I have decided to choose a level that allows me to work hard, but to just complete the Half Ironman. Although I love competing, and not to brag but did well last season in my Sprint Triathlons, I don't think I am trying to break any records. Secretly, in the back of my head, I know I am going to push it, and hope for something great. Here is a link to the book on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Triathlete-Magazines-Essential-Training-ebook/dp/B002SRL39U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262753506&sr=8-2

Now that everything is set, except for the payment, I am nervous. I never thought I would be doing this. I just continue to push myself to do things I never thought in a million years I would do. I am nervous about training, about competing, and about the actual race. I should be filled with excitement, but I am just nervous now. I am worried I won't be able to do it. I am nervous of failing.

I am scared of failing. I don't know what actually defines failing in this sense, but I am scared that if I don't go through with this race, I will be a failure. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been worried of failing. Talk to my 5th grade teacher, I think she helped to strengthen this fear of failure.

Fears aside, I know I will do great with the triathlon. If I do not complete the race, I will at least be in better shape than I am currently, and learn a little something more about myself. Up to this point I have succeeded greatly in every challenge I have put myself up to. I am actually quite overwhelmed with how much I accomplished in 2009. I am sure in a few weeks, the fear will subside, and the anticipation and excitement will settle in.

Here's to my biggest challenge in 2010!!!

Yesterday's Workout

Well yesterday was fairly successful. I went to the pool for close to 30 minutes, just to get wet. I didn't do anything too exciting, I was mainly trying to stay above water. I felt pretty good after I got out, and decided I would lift while I was at work. I only 2 sets of each exercise instead of 3 because I wanted to get a move on my to do list. Here is my workout from yesterday.

2x12 @22.5lbs kneeling stability chops.

2x12 @2.5 (approx. 24lbs) standing cable hip abduction (super set with inverted row)

2x12 inverted row

2x12 single leg squat (super set with single arm standing chest press)

2x12 single arm standing chest press (20 and 25lbs, respectively)

After all of this I felt pretty good. I decided I need to return some of my Christmas presents and that is how I spent the rest of my day. Pretty productive.