The irony of this thought process is Occupational Therapists are supposed to help people live more meaningful and fulfilling lives. I am learning how to help people live this type of life all while I am not successful at living said life, rather not feeling like I am living a fulfilling and meaningful life.
As I was home during our "summer break", I was reminded of what my life used to be like before school. I didn't make much money, but I did make more than my loans provide for me now. I didn't really have any real responsibilities. Yes, I did have rent to pay, loans to repay, and other living expenses, but it never felt like responsibilities. I worked Tuesday-Saturday and had two days where I did not need to think about work at all. It was wonderful. I could visit with friends and family and not feel guilty for how I spent my time. I rarely thought "I should be more efficient with how I am spending my time". Well until I started back in school, that is how I felt. Maybe I am just remembering things differently. Maybe I am thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. Needless to say, it was really hard to come back to Greenville.
I have had some low level anxiety about being back, about not working hard enough, and I already feel behind on my school work. SCHOOL DOESN'T START UNTIL TUESDAY, I DON'T HAVE ANY HOMEWORK YET! I am doubting my abilities. And as an aside, those of you thinking I will drop out, you clearly don't know me.
1. Have more faith in my abilities. I am smart, quick on my feet, and will graduate.
How I will implement...Along with my nightly gratitude list, I will write at least one thing that I am grateful for in terms of school
2. Find a balance between school, social life, relationship with John, and exercise.
How I will implement...Mentally separate these aspects. The old check your attitude at the door. Yes sometimes this will overlap, but I need to be appreciative of each moment I spend in my day.
3. Give a good effort to my classes, and thesis.
How I will implement...This will simply take me saying to myself I have tried my hardest with what I have. NO THINKING, IF I WOULD HAVE CUT OUT x I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STUDY y MORE MINUTES!!
4. Take a few moments for myself each day.
How I will implement...I will set aside 5 minutes to do deep breathing, or yoga without distractions (no cell phones).
Well tonight is my birthday party. It is 80s themed! So excited!
Until next time