Monday, February 22, 2010

Where I'm At

So as I was writing up my training program for the week, I realized a few things. I have been working extremely hard at training for this half ironman. I can't believe how much I have pushed myself, and how dedicated I am to this. Although it has been very grueling, I want to work at this.
I set this goal, of completing a Half Ironman (key word, completing) back in September. I didn't know it would be so much work, or take such a big time commitment on my part, but I set this goal. September of last year, I had just finished my second sprint triathlon, and finished first in my age group. I was flying high, and thought that I could achieve anything.

I guess I should reveal something extremely personal. I am afraid of failure. Now, this might not seem like that big of a fear, but this is what motivates me, sometimes too motivating for me. The fear of failure, has been magnified by doing this training. I have always used this fear of failure to motivate me in school, and in life. I do not want to disappoint anyone for my failures. So in turn I would push myself to keep working harder, nothing was and is ever good enough. Now you might be thinking, "Oh Kristen, you are wonderful and a hard worker, don't put yourself down!" This isn't the case, it is just a realize I came to during my training. As painful as it is to see that I have put so much pressure on myself to "succeed", whatever that means, I have a least recognized it. I am willing to recognize this fear of failure, and everything that goes along with it, in order to relax a little and enjoy life more.

So here is another week of intense training.


  1. Good stuff. I wish I had half of your motivation. And I think that everyone is afraid of failure to a certain extent, it's just how you use that fear that helps define you.