Resource Utilization Groups (RUG) Levels

Woah, I have a lot going on in my head. I am so overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings and emotions. My grandpa died. But first my grandma died. They were soul mates, they were never apart for very long. They were married 69 years. My grandma had dementia, the end was really difficult to experience. She fell while my family was vacationing in Myrtle Beach. I just knew it was the beginning of the end, September 9, 2014. She fell in the foyer of their home and broke her hip. I feel bad because I kind of wished that God would take her during the surgery. I knew from experience working in the hospital and the nursing home that people with dementia, mild to severe, never really come back after a surgery like that. God had a different plan in mind, like always.

The surgery went well, she was fearful of falling and fearful of getting out of bed. She stayed in the hospital for about a week. There were complications with her lungs or heart. She wasn't eating, she didn't have the desire to eat. Grandma failed the video swallow study with the thickest liquid. Next up feeding tube. It almost felt like a familiar song that I hated hearing. They transferred her to a "rehab facility". Fuck you hospital staff for allowing my family to believe that it wasn't a nursing home.
Grandma participated in therapy, or rather she was put on a bike for her 95 minutes of physical therapy. Then the occupational therapist probably counted the time that he or she "helped" the CNA to bathe and dress my grandmother. Taking away her dignity. Grandma stopped eating, she wasn't getting stronger. She went to see the speech therapist, who happened to be a classmate of mine. We played in the band together.

My dad is worried about doing the right thing, caring for the weak and sick like Jesus called us to do. My uncle Thom yelled at the speech therapist because she wasn't working hard enough. Do you hear the notes of that all too familiar retched song? How do you tell you family that it is a nursing home? How do you tell your dad the research does not support placing a feeding tube to sustain/extend life? The chords of this song are hurting my ears.
Why can't this stop? Why is therapy in a nursing home so stupid? Why don't legislators understand that these are human being, not vehicles to get your company the most money by putting them on a stationary bike for the 113 minutes, just so you can reach your certain RUG level? Why? This is my grandma! My loving, kind, and compassionate GRANDMOTHER! I only wish that she tried to pinch these unethical therapists putting the "robots" on the stationary bike!
They move my grandmother home, on hospice. More stress, more fancy word play to make my family think they are signing up for something that it is not. I go home to see my grandmother the weekend they move her home. She is sleepier, she isn't herself, well not fully herself. She did still try to have a quick wit, and put her fingers up in a pinching motion to let me know that she was still the boss. This is November 20th. My grandmother has been away from home for over 2 months. My grandfather was without his beautiful bride. He was sad, he missed his companion.

My grandpa and grandma get 33 more days together, at home. They get into bed together. My grandpa mumbles sweet nothings that only a spouse of 69 years can understand. His job now becomes caring for his wife, or rather he is able to resume his role as caregiver, provider, husband. At 12:29am on December 23rd my grandma went home. She wanted to get to heaven before Christmas. She wanted to be with Jesus to help celebrate his birthday. She was a good Southern woman who loved Christmas, and loved gatherings, joyful gatherings.
I got the call early December 23rd from my mom, tearful. Saying, we lost grandma. I was in bed with my spouse. He held me, I cried. He cried. I was sad, but felt like I had to remain strong. Strong for my family, my dad, my grandpa, for Christmas.
We got home early December 24th around 12:29am. A mere 24 hours after my grandma went to heaven. I know that the Catholic church believes in purgatory, as do I. I believe if I were to die tomorrow, I would spend some time in purgatory. I should pray for my friends tonight, that they might pray for me and pray me to heaven. Grandma, probably spent a millisecond in purgatory. My dad, grandpa and uncles sat next to Grandma praying the rosary. They came together as a family, to send my grandmother off to heaven.
Growing up, my grandmother always had rosaries around the house. So when she would sit down in one room, she would be able to pray the rosary. She was frequently asking me if I was going to church. She was faithful, she gave me an example of a woman who was trusting in God. She had to be, she lost a son in a farming accident when he was 12. Despite the fact that she had 6 boys, all 6 of the boys were hers. They were hers to care for, to love, to comfort. Then God called home one of hers. One boy that she and my grandpa believed they were called to care for, bring up in the church, and develop into the wonderful men my uncles and father are today. Now my grandparents rarely talked about the death of Uncle Chris, but I can only imagine losing a child. The guilt, the pain. My grandma's faith was probably tried at this point, but she remained faithful. She knew in her heart, for as long as I can remember, that she was going to heaven. She was going to die and spend eternity with the Lord. Be renewed, whole. Reunited with her son Chris.
My grandpa, uncles, father and mother prayed the rosary over my grandmother. John and I prayed the rosary for grandma. I felt peace, immense peace. I knew she went straight to heaven. During this time, when my family was praying the rosary and we were praying the rosary, my sister heard her name being called, repeatedly. She knew in her heart that this was grandma calling out to her. She believes this was grandma ascending into heaven. Amy was frightened, but a peace came over her as she drove to my grandparents house. She knew grandma was safe, grandma was with our Lord. Now Amy has had some experiences with angels and other feels as the one described above, but that is for another time.
There is still so much more that I want to describe, remember, grieve and heal from. I will have to write about this tomorrow. I am growing weary. I have cried, ugly cried the past three days. I am wiped out emotionally. So I am going to treat the rest of this entry like a therapy note.
Plan:

Discuss the viewing-drawing a picture of the strength of my dad during this, Aunt Margaret and my Grandpa sitting together. Resolving difference and forgiving each other after 69 years.
The beauty of the church during the funeral. The cold during the service at the gravesite. The image of Chris' tombstone. Charles being present and looking at Chris' tombstone. The gathering of my family, putting aside difference to come together for the matriarch of the family. My grandfather's words about my grandmother, "she was a great lady".

Christmas Conditioning Day 2 & 3

Okay so I slacked on blogging this weekend. I just get into the mindset of not doing anything, or rather doing stuff around the house.

Day 2:  Lactate Intervals. Warm up 5 minutes, 5x0:30 sprints, 5x0:30 active recovery (back to your warm up pace), 5 minute cool down.

This run was a nice reminder of how cold it was outside. I thought it was nicer out & only decided to wear shorts and a long sleeve shirt. Boy was I wrong! I am still trying to warm my toes up after this run. My lungs were hurting from the sprints and the cold air. I really appreciate my health on days like that.

Day 3:  Rest, but don't be lazy. Do yoga, walk your day, whatever floats your boat.

Remember if you are following along, on Instagram or Twitter use the #jp2lax!

Here's my Handsome Husband! #jp2lax

Christmas Conditioning

My husband gave me the task of creating a Christmas Conditioning program for his lacrosse team. At first I was thinking how difficult this task was going to be. When I finally sat down to complete this program, it was much easier than I expected!

Before I went back to school for Occupational Therapy, I was an ACSM Health Fitness Specialist. I would develop exercise programs for adults daily. Developing this Christmas Conditioning program was so much fun. I forgot how much I missed developing difficulty program.

I have decided I am going to complete this program leading up to the Christmas break. I will post that program here for your reading pleasure. I will warn you, this is not that difficult of a program if you are currently running. This program was developed to increase strength necessary for sprinting and increase endurance. However, the program does not require you to sustain running for more than 10 minutes. So if you are looking for something easy to complete between all the Christmas cookies and traveling, this is the program for you.  Only requirement is tennis shoes!  If you want to keep up with this program, use #jp2lax

Day 1:  Foundation Run 2 minutes warm up (at RPE of 4-5), 8 minutes work (RPE 6-7), 2 minutes cool down (RPE 4-5).

Bloglovin App

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Phi Mu Seniors

Huge thanks to Meredith for filling me in on the Bloglovin app. I have spent so much time today on that app! Reminds me of senior year of college when we learned about the free games website. I don't think the 4 of our talked for a week straight we were playing Hot Dog Bush.

Dear Pete Wooster, or The Meaning of Life

Disclaimer:  I have not written a paper such as this since I graduated Hanover College in May 2008. Please forgive me if this is all over the place and there is no clear thesis (because I never could figure out how to write a good thesis). I also write patient notes all day that need to be short and concise.

It was May of 2009, at Hanover College. I was required to take a course during Spring Term as part of the "Freshman Experience". I had 3 professors that each taught the course as well as one professor that was our go-to person and the one that graded all our projects and papers. Pete Wooster, a geology professor, was my go-to person. The final paper of Spring Term was to write your meaning of life. Part of this process we had to have Pete proofread/edit/destroy (that's how I remember it) our first draft. I remember sitting in Pete's office on the back side of the Science Center overlooking the quad. I looked at Pete when he asked me a question about the meaning of life. I responded, "I don't think I can have a meaning of life at this point in my life. I am only 19 years old." I remember he told me that I should have an idea what the meaning of life is at this point, it is foolish not to. It probably was not as harsh as I just put it, but I was crushed. I was a perfect student in high school. I am Type A personality, and I am a perfectionist. Basically, if it is not my idea, it is not right. In church on Sunday, I had an epiphany. The meaning of life is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind and to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-40).

Look who I found on Hanover's Flickr Sarah Albertson
Hanover College Quad

The gospel reading from Sunday was Matthew 22: 34-40. Jesus was speaking with the Sadducees when one asked what the greatest law was. This man was a scholar and Father Dexter took the spin that this man was trying to out smart Jesus and show him that he was more pious than Jesus. Jesus told the man that there are two laws that are the greatest, we are to love the Lord our God with all out heart, soul and all our minds. The second law instructs us to love your neighbor as yourself. These two laws are to be followed together, equally. 

Grandpa & Grandma Davis day before Hanover College Graduation
Strong Role Models for my faith

Just because we love God with all our heart, soul and mind does not give us a license to hate others that are different than ourselves. If we love God too much, but forget to love our neighbor, then we are walking around thinking we are more pious than the next guy. For example, I go to church every Sunday and occasionally (read, seldom) go on Wednesdays. I can get so caught up in my love of God that I think that the Christians that go to church less than this are less pious than myself. This is why the second law is to be followed, to love your neighbor as yourself. We are called, as Christians to love our God completely and fully, but we are also called to love others despite their differences, frequency of attending church, or saying prayers. 

Rachel Halleck & Holly Heindselman Homecoming 2013
I love my friends from my time at Hanover despite the fact they had a different major than me

Father Dexter described a time when he was a freshman in college when a woman followed the first law, but omitted the second. He was giving us an image of walking into a St. Mary's Church at 18 years old, his first semester in college. He solemnly shuffled to the front of the the church, right in front of the blessed sacrament. This church in particular had kneelers in the front of the church to venerate the blessed sacrament. Father Dexter was visibly distraught, and slumped down on the kneelers, back to the blessed sacrament head in his hands. As Father was finding comfort by being in the presence of our Lord, an older woman walked up to him stated, "Remember, we do not turn our backs to the blessed sacrament." This woman was implying that she was more pious than he because she would not think to put her back to the blessed sacrament. Father continued to discuss how this woman did not ask him what was wrong or off any humanly comfort, but reminded him of a rule (written or unwritten). This woman was obeying the first law to love the Lord our God, but omitted for one reason or another, the second rule to love her neighbor.

Hanover College Chapel, where I attended church a handful of times

These two laws, to love God and to love our neighbor, are rules/values/laws that have been instilled in me since I was a little girl. Everything I do throughout my day can be summed up into one of these laws. When I am working with a patient who has just suffered a stroke, I am loving my neighbor and loving my God. When I am fixing dinner for my husband, I am loving my neighbor and my God. When I am helping a friend pack up her house to move to NC, I am loving my neighbor and my God. I try to treat others with love and respect, just like God treats me. I want to show others, Christian or not, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman, the love that God provides to me every day. Although, I fail daily at loving others, and loving/trusting God, I continue to come back to these two laws to help ground me and to ask for forgiveness.

Prince of Peace Catholic Church Madison, IN
Where I attended mass a few times in college
Image courtesy of redtree photography, what a beautiful wedding

The meaning of life is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind as well as love your neighbor as yourself. After 10 years, my meaning of life has changed slightly. I wish I could find that paper that I wrote my freshman year of college. I believe my meaning of life at 19 (I still find it crazy to think that you need to know what the meaning of life is at 19), was to love others just as God loves us, thus making others feel the love of God. Throughout the course of my 29 years, 2 months and 6 days that I have been on this Earth I have lived my life according to these two principles, to love God and to love my neighbor. If you live life according to this meaning, you will find joy in life and all other things will fall into place.The meaning of life is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind and to love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 22:37-40

Looking Back

So I recently started looking back over old blog posts. Man oh man! I was really hoping I would have had life figured out at 24. As I am sitting here texting with a close friend of mine from graduate school, I am reminded that I put deadlines on myself that are ALWAYS unrealistic.

By 24, I thought I had to be married, pregnant, in my dream job, with a killer house, and a fat bank account (or something like that).

Image by Bobbi and Mike

I'm 28, married, not pregnant, in my dream job (even though it is a maternity leave coverage ending February 20th), in an apartment, and a figure friendly, healthy bank account.

Accepting my Master's Degree

I still don't know who I am. I still have similar stresses and anxieties that I had when I was 24. They just look different.

Stress and Anxiety

The only thing that is different is my faith. I am closer to God than I have been in over 15 years (which is a guess). We have a great church family. My husband encourages me to pray and write (two things that help me put everything into perspective, if only for a moment).

This Sunday at church was the Presentation of the Lord. This is where Mary and Joseph brought Jesus, a mere 40 days old, to the temple for the purification ritual. Father Dexter, was encouraging us to not lose sight of the light of Christ in our lives. He was telling us that we will always have anxieties, stressors, and worries, but the light of Christ shines in all of us and is for all of us to experience. This light never fades, no matter how far away we are from it. We have just simple allow Christ to be our light. We have to practice letting Christ be our light.

This is such a beautiful message to remember when all of the stressors, anxieties, and worries get to be too much. Christ is our light, shining in the darkness (anxiety), and shining in our hearts.

Christ be our light.
St. Elizabeth Seton, Carmel, IN

I want to leave you with a part of mass that was part of the old translation of the mass (prior to November 2011). During the Eucharist, the priest would say, "When we were lost and could not find our way, you loved us more than ever." Just remember, if you don't feel or even see the light of Christ, he is still loving you.

Should and Should Nots

Ever live your life by the shoulds and the should nots? Every Friday, I struggle to live my life by the shoulds and the should nots.

Friday, I do not work. That's just how my current job schedule has fallen. Usually, I end us spending money on things (clothes, acupuncture, food). Things to prevent me from falling into the all too common trend of fighting internally with myself of the shoulds and should nots.

This morning is no different. I started my morning off by enjoying my breakfast and coffee with my husband discussing his day and mine. It is a routine I have come to love about this stage of our life. Monday through Friday we usually read the daily readings from the Bible. Today, we were unable to do this because we accidentally turned off the alarm and John was running late.

Handsome Husband

In order to prevent myself from falling into the ever-present should/should not battle. I made a list (I love lists, thanks to Meredith). All of these items are easy to complete, except for the "Finance".

Meredith helping me put my Phi Mu pin on my wedding bouquet.
Photo courtesy of Bobbi and Mike

I like to write down all our monthly bills periodically so that we know roughly how much money we have to spend each week and month on gas, groceries, and fun. This simple task could have been very easy due to the fact that we will close on our house in NC and no longer have mortgage and utilities! However, I saw a post from an acquaintance (SuperPT) on Facebook (the death of me) that she is free from debt and just paid off her student loans. I should have been really excited for her, but she graduated 2 years ago. TWO YEARS AGO! Should/should not argument...ENGAGE!

I thought, "you can be proactive, Kristen".  Make a list of goals you would like to accomplish. Realistic goals. Realistically, I know we can not pay off my loans in 2 years. Realistically, I know SuperPT is not married and has a boat load of disposable income. Realistically, we just moved to a new state, sold our house (at the expense of most of our saving account), and I have been unable to find a full time OT job.  Realistically, God has provided for us multiple times over the past 4 months since we have moved to TN. God has showed up, like He always does, to show us everything will work out the way He had intended.

We are so blessed. We have a great marriage that we work at every day. We have amazing friends in the Nashville area, who inspire us and motivate us. We have a strong church community that we belong to. God has put these people, events, and experiences in our life to let us know that He is in control of our lives.

New Year's Eve

I am so bless to believe in a God that loves me unconditionally, no matter how hard I try to control the situation. God forgives me when I am stupidly stubborn. God believes in my abilities not matter how much I doubt them. God is great!

I am very happy for SuperPT and her ability to pay off her loans so quickly. Although, we won't pay off my loans in TWO YEARS, I am comforted by God's love for me.

Happy Friday!